Identity..

When we say identity we mean something that is a part of us, defines us, represents us..

Our identity tells us who we are..

It's been a few years since I have been thinking who am I?

I think that from time to time this question pops up in everyone's mind.

A few days back someone asked me "who do you admire apart from your parents. Some you think of as an idol"

And I didn't have an answer. I was shocked that I didn't know myself. I mean we often discuss things and we randomly say I really admire that person. He/she is such an inspiration. But when I actually think of it a single name didn't pop up. And that got me thinking that I don't know enough about myself.

Throughout our lives, we have been answering this question. Starting from the five liner essay on myself in the first grade, to the question tell me about yourself in the interviews. But still, there are so many basic things we don't know about ourselves.

Kids are brutally honest and are easier to influence but still honest. If they don't find reason valid enough or even after accepting that a thing is good if they don't like doing it then it's easy for them to realise that this is what they don't like. As a kid, it's easier to figure out what we like and what we don't. But as we grow we get influenced, we want to look good in public, please others and stuff. And in the midst of all that we totally ignore what it is that we actually like.

We change ourselves so much for others to accept us that we actually forget who we are and what do we like and dislike and not what would look good or fit in with others. So when you move on in your life from that phase you realise that you actually don't know what is your opinion or what is it that you want.

It is so important that we know ourselves. For example, as a kid, I used to love the color green for no reason. So when told my friends about it they used to say "green green , garbage's tin" ( green green kachre ki tin) I used to feel really embarrassed about it, like they thought that green was a bad choice so I changed it to Pink that was more acceptable. But as I grew up I realised that as a girl you are expected to like pink, it was my mom's favorite color but it was not something that I liked (no offense to those who like Pink. I believe all colors are beautiful).

I liked the color Black I realised it when I looked into my wardrobe when I pick things etc. I also love the color Royal Blue and Green. I love Green because of nature. It's so beautiful.

So instead of shaping my opinions to fit with others, I started questioning myself what do I like and what do I want. So far I have learned so much and I think I still have a long way to go because if I don't know and explore myself then no one is going to do it for me and if I don't do it then I won't know what I want and if I don't know what I want then I don't know what am I doing with my life...

So coming back to the question with which all these started. "Who do I admire ?".

I think no one I know has struck me as such to remember them and I have not explored enough